Canadian writer Kim Fu became nationally acclaimed when she published her fictional novel ‘For Today I am a Boy’ in 2014 (Fu, K., 2016). Born in Vancouver, British Columbia she tells a tale of an only-son born into a Chinese Canadian family in rural Canada, whom all the while knows he should have been born a daughter (Fu, K., 2014). Upon analysis, the novel explores the parallels of being a transgender visible minority youth living in Canada in 1979 versus 2016. Backed by current research evidence she has related the fear of not passing to body dysphoria, and this as directly correlated with the lack of social support from family and peers. This phenomena is due to a societal stigma on the gender-identity spectrum; which is especially influential at an early age. For the context of this report, and in order to stay consistent with the structure of Fu’s novel, I have chosen to use the pronouns him/he to refer to Peter Huang’s early years, as I feel this will best narrate their journey into becoming Audrey Huang. Throughout this report, terms such as Heternormativity – the assumption of a gender binary in which all falls into heterosexualty; Cis-gendered – an individual whose self-identity conforms with their biological sex; and the acronym FTM – which is when a cis-gendered female transitions into physically visible male and vise-versa for MTF, will often be used (Stein, M., 2004).
Passing is defined as being percieved by others at first glance as a particular gender or identity regardless of how the individual identifies (Stein, M., 2004). From six years old to then late 20s, Fu illustrates Peter’s intimate struggles with body dysphoria. Early on, when confronted by his sisters urging him to be more like their Father-a boy, Peter cries out that he wasn’t a boy and that he wanted hair like his sisters, and to be pretty (Fu, K., 2014). In the study by Bucking and Coleman, the researchers identified a non-standard ‘Trans coming out’ process that involves the individual as feeling different about their sense of self from others, then exploring new gender roles and expressions of gender (Levitt, HM and Ippolito, MR., 2016). Peter explores his identity by experimenting with his sisters’ makeup and cross-dressing alone in his home as he performs “traditionally women’s work” – ie. Cooking and cleaning his father would have disproved of him being involved in (Fu, K., 2014). The ‘Trans coming out process’ continues into the later part of his life, where it is said that the individual may develop intimacy within one’s preferred gender roles, and then finally reach a deeper level of acceptance of one’s identity after a period of grief over lost time (Levitt, HM and Ippolito, MR., 2016). Peter’s only romantic relationship in the novel was with a cis-gendered woman who allowed him to cross-dress and submit throughout the romance (Fu, K., 2014). However, the romance did act as a trigger to Peter’s body dysphoria – especially when the woman persisted in wanting to engage in hetero-normative intercourse and referred to Peter’s genitals as a “cock” (Fu, K., 2014). At this point Peter admits to the readers his deep physical ache for being born with what he called a “misery” (Fu, K., 2014). The participants in the research shared their journey to self-discovery, beginning at an early age that can be seen as comparable to Peter’s experiences in his early years; this may be because the participants in the study had also been raised at a time when transgender identities and experiences were not common knowledge and was hardly taught (Levitt, HM and Ippolito, MR., 2016). For example, FTM participant Kyle recalls referring to themselves as a boy at a young age, and MTF Tiane remembers feeling alone and confused during the early phases of her journey as a result of lack of self knowledge (Levitt, HM and Ippolito, MR., 2016).
This lack of self-knowledge is what connects body dysphoria to the fear of passing, and what bridges these two towards the interlocking effects of social support and social stigma. Peter had been completely unaware of the possibility of transitioning and passing, because he had thought of cross-dressing as a private affair (Fu, K., 2014). Throughout the novel Peter had been solely concerned with seeking his father’s approval. This new outlook was made possible upon meeting FTM coworker John who to his peers and to himself passes as a cis-gendered heterosexual man (Fu, K., 2014). Once John confirmed he was not cis, Peter confides in John, admitting he had thought he was the only one who felt body dysphoria. When Peter refuses to attend the vigil for a recent Trans-murder case and defensively claims it could not ever possibly be him because he had “worked [his] whole life so it couldn’t have been [him]”, and later voices his envy for John’s family, does the reader realize the intensity of the family structure and support system on psychological distress (Fu, K., 2014). Peter’s lack of knowledge not only came from lacking a computer – but it also can be related back to his lack of positive exposure to a non-heteronormative lifestyle and connectivity with family and peers at an early age.
Research has found that young people are disproportionately at risk for depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts (Bryant, K., 2009). These links have been linked with hostile school climates, as well as institutions deeply rooted in heteronormative activity (Langer, SJ., 2014). “Better to be one of us, better to be on this side than kneeling and weeping in the gravel while they leem. That was all my father wanted from me, to be one of them, to be king. But I belonged in her place, holding something so stunning they’d steal for it, they’d stare into its hot center even as it blinded them” (Fu, K., 2014). In this quote Peter is speaking about his first encounter witnessing rape amongst his group of friends at six years old. This is significant because it clearly outlines a separation in gender roles – as one being a king versus the weeping woman. This along with his sister’s refusal to see him as a sister, and his father burning the apron Peter wore to cook and clean the home in private, displays a strong heteronormative expectation that very early on negatively influenced Peter’s pathway to self-acceptance (Fu, K., 2014).
The journey to self-acceptance across the trans-identity spectrum is not linear. There are parallels in trans-youth life lived between 1979 and 2016, as seen in the social structures that privilege heteronormativity and the gender binary present cross-culturally in today’s mainstream society (Bryant, K., 2009). However, the biggest difference being that with the help of globalizing technology, there are less youth that live without knowing about others– like Peter. Through trans-positive research and social media forums like Youtube, trans youth can more easily today find an individual or several individuals whom encompass who they wish to be, liberating themselves and lessening the gender isolation and confusion during their early years (Langer, SJ., 2014). Children are aware of their gender identity, as young as pre-school, and with the appropriate familial and social support system, the acceptance of non-heteronormativity, awareness and easier accessibility to transitional therapy and surgery, the lesser cases there will be for negative struggles with body dysphoria and the ultimate consequences of not passing via murder, or suicide.
References
Bryant, K. (2009). Transgender studies. In J. O’Brien (Ed.), Encyclopedia of gender and society (pp. 849-853). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications Ltd. doi: 10.4135/9781412964517.n425
Fu, K. (2014). For Today I am a Boy. Toronto: HarperCollins Publisher, LTD.
Fu, K. (2016). Bio and Contact. Retrieved from: www.kimfu.ca/bio-contact
Langer, SJ. “Our Body Project: From Mourning To Creating The Transgender Body.” International Journal Of Transgenderism 15.2 (2014): 66-75. LGBT Life with Full Text. Web. 20 Nov. 2016.
Levitt, HM., and Ippolito, MR. “Being Transgender: The Experience Of Transgender
Identity Development.” Journal Of Homosexuality 61.12 (2014): 1727-1758. LGBT Life with Full Text. Web. 21 Nov. 2016.
Stein, Marc, editor. Encyclopedia of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered History in America. Charles Scribner’s Sons, 2004. 3 vols. Gale Virtual Reference Library.
April Marie Canillo 